*Caution*Poison*Caution*Poison*Caution*

Tartar Emetic 

This drug was often given in heroic doses and poisoned the patient. This drug is poisonous. Tartar Emetic can kill you.  If you have it in your home, get rid of it. 

Increased salivation was an immediate symptom (a pint to a quart a day). A rapid increase in salivation is the first symptom of cyanide poisoning, cyanide is a poison and it can kill you.  

Mercurial gangrene which was the death of cheek and mouth tissue leading to permanent facial deformities. No face, no food. No food = death. Mercury loosened teeth, If you have mercury in your house, get rid of it. Mercury is poison. People such as Jacob Smitt died of mercury poisoning. Mercury can kill you. 

The surgeon general of the union army tried extensively to exclude both compounds from the pharmacopoeia but was met with strong opposition. Its danger was only acknowledged by the medical profession after the Civil war. 

Once again, this drug has been pulled from the FDA's list of safe drugs and is now on the Poison Control List. Do not consume this drug. This is another breakdown of the list of warning signs and symptoms of consumption:

• Increased Salivation
• Mercurial Gangrene
• Premature Loosening of the Teeth

If any household products have caused you or a loved one to display these symptoms please rid your home of them. They are poisonous. Poison can kill you. If you feel an overwhelming desire to maintain possession of an item that can kill you, please call our office. Desire is a poison. Poison can kill you. Call our office immediately for a consultation regarding future surgery and payment options.

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Saying Spanks To All That Have Visited

We are going on close to a year now of this site helping others and the higher powers have yet to shut us down.

So, that being said, grab a kid and give him a good whack on us. It will make you feel better and keep some random kid in line.

It's just what the doctor ordered.

Dear Dr. E.,

My wife left me this morning. I don't understand how this could happen. We have a perfect marriage, three wonderful kids and our relationship towards each other has been great. How could she take my kids from me during the holidays? I came home from work and found this note taped to the refrigerator:

Carl,

I will be at my mother's house at about 6:30. Thanks for understanding and I'm glad we had that talk last night. Sorry the kids and I will be away for the Christmas Season. You are welcome to join us if you can get away from work. I love you. See you soon.

Love,
Joanne

I guess divorce is our only option? I don't see any other way around it. I threw all my stuff out the front window onto the lawn just so that I could feel like she has some sort of remorse over the whole thing. How could someone be so mocking and say that they love you? I'm still having a hard time getting over how cold-hearted she is. What should I do? Where should I turn? I'm so confused.

Dr. E. Please help.

Dr. E. I was wondering...

Do you think it is unhealthy for family members to spend time away from each other during the Holidays? I ask this, because I would like to have a rip-roarin' good time during Thanksgiving and I want to share this with my bro's and sis's, but I d'not know if they share my same healthy enthusiasm. Also, I want to have a white elephant exchange, because I have been collecting a few white elephants and they are starting to take up too much room, plus they are eating me out of house and home. Please respond as soon as possible so that I can say "na na na na na" to my family naysayers.

Sincerely,
Gnome for the Holidays

Bum Fodder Rash

My office was perusing the countless references we have on file and came across this doozy of a condition. It is called maculopapular rash of bum fodder. I guess it comes on when you wipe too much. The symptoms are small red dots around,….. well you get the idea. I just wanted to let you know it was out there and that it is contagious. Always wash your hands after you use the facilities so you won’t spread it and leave some paper on the roll. No one wants to sit down and find the roll with like one or two wipes left. Some people need at least three to four. For those of you that are into like five or six, you need to slow down and consider the risks. Bum Fodder Rash is not something to play around with.

Answers 24-7

You have questions that we have the answers to, so , why not give us a try. You are welcome to leave us a comment in the form of a question or you can post a question in the form of a comment. You can post a comment as a comment worded in a manner that some outside entity might think it was a question. You can also post a question and leave out the punctuation so that someone thinks that it is a statement but you actually meant it as a question. What are you waiting for. Don't let your mole hills become mountains. We will not disappoint you.

Welcome

From all of our staff we welcome you aboard. During my countless years of practice I have had the pleasure of helping thousands and thousands of clients with all sorts of problems and so I have created this site to give those clients and anyone else that may be in need of my services a place to come home to. Here you are, so kick back, lob your shoes off, prop up your feet, Hike your pants up to your armpits and have a go at nothingness.


Due to present and past events we reserve the right to refuse service to anyone. No animals were harmed in the production of this Blog. This site is the exact copy of another site exactly like it and therefore assumes no responsibility or legal ramifications due to its presence on the web. Some or all of this may be a complete and total lie.