You have questions that we have the answers to, so , why not give us a try. You are welcome to leave us a comment in the form of a question or you can post a question in the form of a comment. You can post a comment as a comment worded in a manner that some outside entity might think it was a question. You can also post a question and leave out the punctuation so that someone thinks that it is a statement but you actually meant it as a question. What are you waiting for. Don't let your mole hills become mountains. We will not disappoint you.
6 comments:
Jammie of Little Rock, AK wrote:
Dear Dr. E.,
I have a problem and no one else on the web will help. Can you help me?
The answer is, Yes.
Don't despair Jammie. We have your answer waiting for right here for you in our answer box, all you have to do is write us asking a legitimate question and we will answer you, but "Can you help me?" is so vague and open. How on earth would anyone be able to help you.
You first need to get some medication from your local doctor. Take two of what ever he gives you, then call us in the morning and ask us how you feel. We will tell you that you feel crazy.
Thanks a bunch Jammie.
Hope you feel better soon,
Dr. E.
Carl of Pleasant Grove, WV wrote:
Dear Dr. E.,
My wife and I are planning on having a baby. We have been trying for several years and finally succeeded. I can’t remember how many times it took us to get it right. Can you help me remember?
Dear Carl,
I sure can.
It took you 5,000 times or less. Oh, was that a bit vague.
Hold on a second. Let me adjust this mind reading machine and I can just plop those memories out and have a look-see.
On second thought, how about you get a life and stop pestering me with such ridiculous questions.
See, that wasn’t too hard.
Thanks for the awesome question Carl.
Dr. E.
Samantha of Pleasant Grove, Dallas, TX wrote:
Dear Dr. E.,
I was surfing the internet the other day and I saw a monster on one of the sites I was looking at.
My mom and dad told me that monsters are not real but the pictures looked so real.
Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder if monsters are real or if they live in my closet. Sometimes I even think I can hear them up in my parent room late at night. What color is your car?
Dear Samantha,
Wow, nice fake out. See, I thought you were going to ask about monsters or what that noise in your parent’s room could have been.
I don’t know why you want to know but the answer is white.
I have a question for you now. How old are you? There is no exception to the rule in life of practicing common sense.
I mean, you don’t seriously believe in monsters do you? Get a life would ya’. If your parents haven’t told you….. Santa isn’t real and neither is the tooth fairy sweetheart.
See there, all kinds of answers.
Good work Samantha, keep those hard questions coming.
Dr. E.
Cindy of Gooding, ID, wrote:
Dear Dr. E.,
I get a pain in my side when I run. It only comes on if I eat a lot of food right before I run or if I drink a bunch of water. I hope I don’t die. I really love to run, can you help me?
P.S. I was also wondering why my knees hurt when I run in the winter time, what do you think?
Dear Cindy,
I think you should give up running altogether. You apparently have way to much free time. What you should do instead is come to my house and shovel the snow from my walks and driveway.
Running produces lactic acid in your muscles and that production of lactic acid if gone unchecked can KILL you! It can therefore be concluded that running is harmful or even fatal.
Your knees hurt because they are full of lactic acid and are about to explode, hello, why do you think runners get knee surgeries all the time. It is also my professional opinion that the pain you are experiencing in your side is appendicitis and you should drive yourself to the emergency room immediately!
Wow! Great stuff Cindy, you had an awesome question! Keep those good questions coming.
Dr. E.
Bill of Alabaster, AL wrote:
Dear Dr. E.,
I have this unusual growth under the bunder if you know what I mean. I put some utter cream on it but it hasn’t gotten any better around my rizzle area, hint, hint. I just want the pain to stop. What type of over the counter medication can I put on my fimp nimp, wink, wink, if there is any? Do you think it is contagious?
Dear Bill,
I think you have nothing to worry about there. That growth and possible swelling should clear itself up in a few months. Oh, good idea with the utter cream by the way, pure genius.
I also want to introduce you to a colleague of mine; his name is Mr. Webster Dictionary. He says, for one, that you are a blundering idiot. He also mentioned that “BUNDER”, “RIZZLE”, and “FIMP NIMP” have never been words in the English dictionary nor are they likely to be, any time soon, no matter how many “if you know what I mean”, “hint, hint”, and “wink, wink”, statements you put after them.
Yes, it most certainly is contagious so wash your hands and disinfect that key board and everything else you may have touched since then. You probably got it down on K street from some wh…… Just do us all a favor and stop touching it. Oh, man I think I am going to hurl. That is so gross.
As a matter of fact, go to the pharmacy right away and buy every last bottle of rubbing alcohol they have (90-100 proof). Empty the bottles in a shallow bucket and soak your “bunder” (I don’t even want to know what that is) in it and stop touching it, for heavens sake.
Good gracious man, have you no commonsense.
Jeepers, we are really getting some fantastic questions from our readers out there. I’m so glad that I can be here helping. Keep those swell questions coming Bill and I hope you feel better soon.
Dr. E.
Kanisha Moberly, 13 yrs. of age, Born on: 12/08/1996 of 436 Canister Way, Mosby, MT Phone number is: 406-555-5555, Social Security number is: 561-98-2334 wrote:
Dear Dr. E.,
I have a secret that I don’t want anyone to know about, my father, Carl, is a very prominent person in the community. If this secret were to get out he would be ruined and be forced to return to an honest job like the rest of the dads in our neighborhood. I don’t know who else to turn to. Please don’t let anyone read what I am about to tell you.
I accidentally saw my dad without his shirt on the other day and he has an extra set of nipples. Not just one extra nipple, but two. That is weird and disgusting enough but what makes matters worse is that he has “man-boobs”, so he has two sets of these pasty white man-boobs. I guess he passes the lower set of as fat rolls. What should I do?
Dear Kanisha,
Just calm down, it is not contagious, at least not for you because you are adopted. Surprise! Your sister and brother on the other hand should be worried. Don’t freak out that I know so much about you. You posted all your personal info and I have countless hours to waist on the internet and even more money so I checked your birth records and went from there. I’m sure your parents were going to tell you sooner or later about the whole adoption thing but honestly didn’t you think something was awry when your siblings are all white and you are a black child with the name Kanisha. Hello, anybody in there.
As for the man-boobs thing, in our profession we have found it more acceptable and generally less abrasive if we refer to your father’s disease as “Wrigley’s MOOBS” (you know, like, “double your pleasure”). The general public finds anything to do with medical terms such as, Extra mammary or Paget Disease as offensive and degrading.
If you feel the need to confront that weird guy that adopted you, just be straight with him. Go up to him, call him by his first name because he isn’t your real dad anyway, and say,
“So, Carlton, when were you going to tell me about the whole adoption thing? Just for that I think I will tell the whole world about your Wrigley’s Moobs if you don’t give me $5,000.00 dollars cold hard cash by 5:00 pm.”
It is always a good idea to try to extort some sort of money out of a person when they have a moral obligation to you because they lied to you about your birth. You also have him backed into a corner because you know this dirty secret about him and always set a deadline, that part is key. These are the basics of blackmail. Then, when you get the cash, split it with me and tell him the address to this site as you walk out the door, that part is the clincher.
That was just swell Kanisha. You had a super-duper good question. I just hope you do as you’re told and always obey your elders. I’m old by the way. Keep those questions coming folks.
Dr. E.
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